K&K as my guiding principle to making things work
In Germany, we have the expression “Rabenmutter,” which translates to “raven mother,” a word that doesn’t exist in other languages. Germans call working mothers who abandon their kids to caregivers while they work. And this is part of the mentality that has permeated German society in the past decades.
As a mother, a career woman, founder, and entrepreneur, I no longer subscribe to the Kinder, Küche, Kirche (children, kitchen, church) mentality, and my principle is now K&K (kids and career). And this is why I have always been committed to encouraging other women to believe that a job is possible despite having children, despite what society says.
As my own experiences have proven, K&K is possible.
Here’s how I did it.
I looked for role models and set a clear intention of making K&K work
I remember all too well that an executive at Roche Diagnostics, with whom I was working on a software project, went back to work six weeks after the birth of her twins. At the time, I thought, if she can make it with two babies, then I’ll can too. It gave me so much courage and confidence to know that women are out there who make it work.
And so, when my turn came, on the 6th day after the birth of my 1st child, I was back at work armed with diapers, baby formula, a newborn, and toddlers. Of course, the baby always comes first, and my co-workers and even customers graciously adjusted to accommodate the newest addition during our meetings. Meetings that were scheduled between breastfeeding and nappy changes. It was pretty inspiring to have a sleeping baby at the conference.
This worked because I ensured that my customers were included in the new K&K model. In return, they all participated and supported me. I was always given a breastfeeding room during negotiations and conferences.
“Thanks to all Contentserv customers for being such supportive champions and allowing me to care for the company while I take care of my kids.”
I don’t listen to “well-intentioned” feedback; I gratefully accept support
On my somewhat unusual K&K path, many gave me extraordinary support, such as the Catholic nuns from the idyllic village of Eschelbach in the most conservative part of Upper Bavaria. They always had a smile for me when I was late for kindergarten again, stressed out because another customer meeting took too long. I’ve always focused on the supporters, never on the know-it-alls and nags.
Thank God there were a lot of people around me who supported me. Thank God my children agreed with me in what I did because they grew splendidly despite my K&K strategy.
Maybe this is why children of employed mothers and businesswomen quickly learn to be independent and be socially responsible. As was the case for my children, they were allowed to participate and contribute to making things work at a young age. According to their kindergartens and schools, my children are unusually independent, able to fit in, and sociable.
I deliberately ignored comments from other mothers and helicopter parents who said my children were having a hard time. I take a “spot check.” And my kids have always agreed with me for 15 years now: The K&K model is suitable for everyone – happy, fulfilled mothers have utterly different energy for their children. It is better than when they sit at home all day, getting frustrated because they had to put their careers on hold to care for their children.
Once I toyed with the idea of working less, my 13-year-old daughter said that I shouldn’t start a “Children’s Project” now. It seems like they also love the freedom that my K&K brings. All of my daughters support their Mum’s professional life. They see it as part of the system that they don’t want to change.
If possible, hire Au pairs
My incredible power girls/au pairs from Mexico, with whom I still have contact, have always given me great support. Because of their focus on family and their Latin American warmth, I always knew that my kids would be well taken care of. All my au pairs were passionate and committed to making my life with kids and a career possible. They breastfed the baby for me, helped around the house, and drove the kids from point A to B. It’s a house full of people, but we managed to have fun in the evenings. By 8 pm, they would be in their rooms calling their many aunts, cousins, and friends. That always took hours!
What is also excellent when the au pair lives with you: I could go out at any time in the evening because they would be there to take care of the kids while catching up with their families back home. This allowed me to reconcile work, friends/relationships, and children flexibly. It was such a wonderful feeling to experience the support from my au pairs’ warmth of the family while managing business contracts!
The thing I love most about my Mexican au pairs is how they bring “sunshine” everywhere they go. Mexican women are cheerful, always in a good mood in the morning, and have this contagious energy. We have laughed, sung, and shared so much over the past 12 years.
Those beautiful everyday experiences kept me connected with my au pairs, and that’s why I still have lively exchanges with everyone via WhatsApp years later. We have now become one big extended Mexican family! Almost every au pair has personally looked for and trained their successor – thank God they have so many cousins and an active network to get new great candidates through their extended families.
A perk of growing up with Mexican au pairs, my kids grew up trilingual. They speak German, English, and Spanish. I asked my au pairs always to speak Spanish with my babies from the start. And so, they grew up as native Spanish speakers. English is a given because my Spanish was/is too bad, so we always spoke English most of the time. I’m now in the VHS course to learn Spanish because I can’t laugh at most of my children’s jokes since my Spanish isn’t good enough. 😉
It turned out; K&K was also an enrichment for my language training. At some point, I’ll also speak fluent Spanish (when I work less and study more)!
A big thank you again to all my wonderful au pairs. I love you!
Many children are easier than one child
My four daughters (14, 11, 8, and 4) stick together and support each other a lot. It probably would have been a lot harder having only one child and making the K&K setup work. Children need children – and having many siblings is a great way to meet this need.
Joking aside, the big ones have always helped the little ones. They have always worked as a team of little women who can do a lot more. Every child has their strengths and responsibility and carries them out optimally in the group. My eldest is a great cook and loves to bake. My 11-year-old can lend a hand when, for example, there are IKEA cupboards to be assembled, or there is a flood in the basement (water floods have accompanied me more often than average in the last 15 years, so it’s good to have help here). My 8-year-old can do simultaneous translations of everyday matters with the au pairs in three languages. My 4-year-old is always hugging and kissing me that I feel so loved.
Each of them is very independent and sees their added value in the team. That may be why they get such good grades from the teachers, at least up to now. Let’s keep in mind that three of my four girls are still going through puberty! But I think we can conquer that stage too.
With my four lovely daughters, our female au pair, our female dog Luna and me, we tackle the challenges of everyday life together with a zest for action and enthusiasm. And that’s how it should be with K&K because you shouldn’t have to choose between your children or your career as a woman.
My wish for all courageous women out there
I wish that more women could experience the happiness of having kids and a career, and I am infinitely grateful that I could have both and that things are going so well. To all mothers, mom-to-be, momtrepreneurs, businessmoms out there: If I can do it, you can too!
Want to get in touch to learn more about K&K? Contact me.
